Musings of a Muppet

I only found out today that blue badge owners are apparently allowed to park anywhere – because it’s discrimination otherwise…bollocks!

If a road has double yellow lines along it, there is normally a good reason for it (not that I always agree) – so having random disabled people being allowed to park in those areas shows a complete lack of thinking. If double yellow lines are there, it is generally to ensure that traffic flows freely – the implication being that traffic wouldn’t flow freely otherwise.

So, I ask you, where is the joined up thinking? I hate this politically correct country where common sense makes way for do-gooding idiots who are ruining the world.

Did the weather system decide that now we’re on winter time the weather should change immediately? Last week we were having nice sunny days – OK, not exactly 40 degrees, but not too severe…then this week hit.

Yesterday was the coldest I remember it being in ages – so much so I didn’t get warmed up at all in work – came home after nine hours indoors and still had to thaw my feet out! Then today we had torrential rain – and what looked like snow according to the layer of wet stuff on the cars in the car park when I got home!
Oh, and we were immediately hit with the old “I turn into a shit driver when we have a bit of rain” syndrome, with some idiot managing to triple my journey time home because he managed to turn his car onto his roof at Hatfield Peveral. TWAT!

For the last week or so I have been trying to perfect the art of watermarking photos on the fly – that is, not having to watermark every single photo you want to add to a website, but watermarking as the photo is served up on the website.

After a lot of problems with headers turning text into gobbledy-gook, I have got it sorted out!
This means I am now in a position to add photos to this website, and more importantly, our wedding website. In fact, I can now add photos to all websites I run safe in the knowledge that they will all be watermarked!

News report from Daily Mail

Now, I don’t tend to care one way or the other about so-called celebrity’s who court media attention, but when they start slagging off someone from my childhood who will forever remain a good memory, I start to take a small interest.

Kerry Katona makes her living by selling her life in the papers, so it is my belief she creates problems in her life on purpose. However, she may find the public a little less forgiving if attacking someone like Phillip Schofield.

Personally, I find the explanation of medication being the cause to be a tad on the flimsy side – thousands of people take medication for bi-polar disorder and I am sure one of the “medical professionals” they have on This Morning would have been able to advise Phil as to the effects of the drug she is taking.

She has complained that no-one let her explain – but in my experience of hearing Katona, she doesn’t stop talking. I would suggest that she was probably incapable of devising a coherent argument in her state regardless of the cause. Surely if this is a known effect, she would have declined to appear on This Morning, or arranged an alternative.

Kerry Katona is an ecotistical, talentless “celebrity” who we just can’t seem to get out of the papers or off TV.

Got up at the crack of dawn today in order to be in Chelmsford for 10am to meet mum. I have been looking for a dress for months as I am going to a friend’s wedding in a few weeks.

Well, I finally found a dress I like that doesn’t make me look pregnant or fat! It will also be suitable for our Christmas dinner so killing two birds with one stone! Hurrah! Now, I also had to find some footwear – although I think my trainers would go well!

So I now have a nice dress for special occasions and a nice pair of black sandals for all occasions!

There’s hope for me yet – I can do feminine when I need to!

Last night the Blackmore Players held their AGM and I just about made it in time for the start although I didn’t quite have time to finish my dinner!

Every year the Templeton-Smythe trophy is awarded to a member of the Players who is not on the committee but has contributed a lot to the group – and I won it! My work on the website was the reason – and fair enough! I started the Blackmore Players’ website back in 2000 when I first got interested in web development and now it is my experimental site for a lot of new technology that comes along!

It has been through a few re-designs but I had the genius idea of adding an audition list which people can add their email address to, then I send out the audition details via email for each show. And this generates a lot of interest from new members, so it is my belief that 80%ish of new members are down to me and my website!

Now, if only we had a mantlepiece or something to put this cup on…

Well, after visiting mum and dad and getting some much need real food cooked for me last Wednesday, James accompanied me to the auditions for the Blackmore Players’ next show – Aladdin!

Now, I generally get fed up with getting principle girl parts because there is no-one else to do them, but I still auditioned for the part anyway – seeing as if everything goes to plan, I won’t be able to do panto for the next few years! I also auditioned for the 2 henchmen who are generally the comedy duo. I just wanted a part in my last panto!

Despite having been in the Players for 10 years, I still got nauseous through nerves – which is ridiculous. But due to my website audition list, we had a few newbies turn up, so there was a hell of a lot of competition for parts! And that didn’t help my nerves. After getting called back in to read with Irene for the comedy duo, I was fairly confident that I wasn’t getting principle girl, but that then left me open to not getting a part at all!

So when Jean and Margaret came out to announce the parts, and stated that they had a really difficult time deciding, so some people they wanted to give parts to, they couldn’t, I was fairly convinced I hadn’t got a part!

My whinging in previous years about always playing principle girl seemed to have payed off – and I have been cast as the Abdul – the slightly more intelligent henchman! Yay!! One thing that does worry me – do I get a song? I would have done as principle girl! Oh well – I’ll probably end up with a cold over the show anyway.

Now you lot have just got to buy your tickets! If you want me to get your tickets for you, I want money up front! Go to the Blackmore Players website to find out dates and ticket prices – and the box office number!

No not really – but got your attention!

Yes, James and I have been married for six whole months and it’s still fab! We are still trying to flog our two flats so we can buy a house, but the financial market seems to have fecked that up for us so we will just have to wait and see what happens!

So, can anyone tell me how this works? Bet your life that the government won’t lose out – but taxpayers and shareholders will.

“I don’t have shares in any of the banks so it won’t affect me” you might think…if you have a private pension, think again. Your pension fund will have been invested in many different shares and you can bet your bottom dollar that banks and other financial institutions feature heavily.
You will notice that so far none of our insurance companies have gone down the toilet – and they are governed by the same financial regulator as the banks – the FSA.

Having worked in the insurance industry for ten years, I know just how regulated the industry is. Pity the FSA didn’t apply the same thinking to the banking sector. As soon as loans were being issued for more than 100% of the value of the item they were purchasing, the FSA should have stepped in and stopped the practice.
I know that x amount of insurance companies investments have to be in “safe” things such as government bonds – this is to ensure that if every single policyholder were to make a claim, there is money available to pay those claims immediately, and to ensure that not all money is gambled on the stock market.

Now the shareholders in all these banks will get a raw deal as the government will be first in line to see any profits – guarantee that as taxpayers we will not see the benefit of that – we will only be left with dwindling pension funds.

Once again this Labour government screws us over through their own incompetence and inability to enforce decision making in a regulatory body – this time the Financial Services Authority.

What is wrong with today’s footballers? Twenty years ago it was an honour to be picked to play for your country. Now they seem to think it is their god given right!

Players seem pick and choose the games they want to play, and under which regime. The report that has made me blog about this is report on Kris Boyd quitting the Scottish football squad.

According to the report Boyd is not playing regular first team football at club level and although he has a history of good performances for the Scotland squad, the Scotland manager clearly feels that he would rather play someone who is match fit with match sharpness.

The problem is that football players have an exaggerated sense of self-importance. The only people who will miss out will be the Scottish fans, so it shows a complete lack of respect for the very people who probably need him!

Football players – know your place! If the manager chooses not to play you it’s his choice. It may be wrong, it may be right, but his choice is final. Instead of throwing your toys out of the pram, apply yourself and make sure that next time he has no reason to exclude you from the first eleven!