Musings of a Muppet

Those of you know that James and I know that we are not fans of dressing up in fancy dress, but last night we attended my cousin’s 60th birthday bash which was a fancy dress do on the theme “Strictly Come Dancing through the ages”.
In the spirit of Pammy, we gave it a go! She would have been proud of us I think.

We spent most of yesterday scouring shops for the right look but we ended up at the fancy dress hire shop.
James went as a Disco Stu without the afro – which he was quite upset about, and I went in 50’s rock n roll garb.

James had the full outfit – white suit, frilly shirt and the all important platforms – not his favourite bit of the costume, it has to be said!

It was a really nice evening and I got to catch up with Jo, Clare’s friend from France, who I met when staying with Clare, and we got to meet her sister who was really nice as well!

Mum got up as soon as the dancing started and was on the dance floor throwing some moves…well less throwing, more, erm, Mum dancing! But she enjoyed herself so that was good! In fact there was a nice family contingent there!
Happy Birthday big cuz!

So yesterday was Pammy’s funeral and there were a tonne of people of there. Why do they make crematorium chapel’s so small? We couldn’t all fit in, and to be honest, as I couldn’t see her coffin, it doesn’t feel like I’ve had my closure.

The service was non-religious and as such, was quite short, but there were some lovely tributes read and sung by her longest known friends.

As we hadn’t been invited to the wake, we met up with Kerry, Craig, Leanne and Caleb in Baroosh to have a final drink to Pam.

Goodbye honey, I still can’t believe I’m never going to see you again. xx

The recent death of my close friend Pammy has brought out my need to write poetry again. It’s my own style and it’s written for me so accept it for what it is! Thanks!

This is my little poetic tribute to one of the best friends I have even known.

It’s now nearly 2 weeks since our good friend Pam was taken from us, and life has to go on. We have a tribute set up on our fridge in magnetic letters but it still seems unreal. I don’t think I will feel the full emotion of what has happened until we attend her funeral.

However, I am trying to adopt a more ‘Pam’ style of living – we used to chat about a lot of things including my need to make some new friends and generally get out more. James and I spend far too much time on our computers and we should go out experience life a bit more. So, we have been arranging meeting up with as many friends as possible lately and we intend to make more of an effort full stop. Photos as well – we need to start taking photos of evenings out and places we visit – we hardly have any of our own of Pammy.

But amid all this, I keep feeling a sense of guilt. I know that Pam would approve, but it feels wrong to be going out and enjoying myself when she’s only just gone.
It’s a strange one for me as of all the people I have know who have died, apart from Pam they have all been at least 30 years older than me, and I could say, they’ve had a good life. Pam still had so much ahead of her, and because of her bright and outgoing personality, it’s difficult to find any phrase to provide a bit of comfort.

I suppose I just have to ask myself what would Pam say to me if she were here – I know the answer, so I should hold onto that advice when I start to feel guilty.

I miss you gorgeous. xx

I was perusing the BBC Essex site while at lunch at work today, when I happened upon an article about a crash that happened on Monday night at 10:45 on the A1114, involving a 25 year old woman – well loads of them about – but driving a silver MR2. I instinctively thought “Pam’s got a silver MR2 – and she’s 25″. I immediately texted James as he’d been giving her advice the previous night about domain names. No James hadn’t heard from her. I hadn’t had a reply from the text I’d sent earlier in the morning. How could I find out?
Facebook comes into it’s own at times like these. I visited her profile and sure enough, there were a few RIP messages. “This can’t really be true” I was thinking. An hour or 2 later, James sent a link to another media source that stated the young woman had been named as Pamela Willis.
I have been wavering between crying, anger and disbelief all afternoon and evening and it doesn’t seem to be stopping. James is the same.

I met Pammy “Freckles” Willis last January/February time when she started work at the same place as James and I. James actually became a lot more friendly with her as they were working on projects together, but it didn’t take long for us to start chatting and as we lived just down the road from each other, we started going to see her while she was working at Baroosh, then going out after! It was easy to see why she was so popular. She gave everyone a chance, and never judged anyone and she genuinely didn’t have a bad bone in her body. I have never heard her run anyone down – even when they deserved it. Within months we were close friends and I knew I could trust her with my life.
Her MR2 was her baby and nothing would make her part with it! Her laugh was so infectious (and loud) and I loved hearing it. She single handedly brought back the phrase “pickle”!
Going shopping with her she would make me try on things I would never consider buying, and I would actually like some of them!
Looking at Pam’s Facebook page today, it is full of tributes to this wonderful woman.
To know Pammy was to know a special friend who would always be there for you.

I was missing you already as I haven’t seen you since panto, but I am now missing you so much more. I love you loads and send a big *hug* to you.
I can’t even think about the fact I will never see you again pickle, but I will try and learn a life’s lesson – never put off until tomorrow what you can do today.

Read James’ thoughts on Pammy.

BBC Report
Evening Star Report
Essex Police
Essex Chronicle

I have now set up a permanent page in tribute to Pammy that will always be accessible on my website.